Here Comes the Big Bang
The worm turns or so they say and I've been watching snow since 2 o'clock every now and then the phone rings sometimes as many as eight times before it stops lalalalalalala I hear the Big Bang is visible on the television screen and I've been waiting for it since 2 o'clock uh-oh the phone rings and mother answers it this time "Chris, it's for you. It's the Big Bang" imagine that!
I Live in a House Made of Gingerbread
I live in a house made of gingerbread the witch is gone I moved in instead and I think that she's dead well from what I've read it might be sad but I'm not upset the previous owner left quite a mess there in the oven but I digress the forest is nice this time of year the pixies are friendly so are the reindeer they nibble on my lawn but I don't mind because I am kind and I share my find if I get bored and I'm feeling down I'll follow the bread crumbs back into town I live in a house made of gingerbread I do
My Backwards Eye
Shake your head you hang so well and act as if you've found the right suspense it happens all the time my backwards eye starts sliding out of place my backwards eye rolls right across your face my backwards eye take a look at me and if you see there's something not quite right it happens all the time my backwards eye has caught me in a lie my backwards eye turns evil on the fly my backwards eye take in every sight until the truth starts caving in wistful looks at you until my head is caving in it happens all the time but you're on my mind when my head is caving in sigh the sigh you sigh so well and make like there's nothing on your face it happens all the time my backwards eye starts sliding out of place my backwards eye falls out without a trace my backwards eye
Song About Elvis
This is our song about Elvis everyone has a song about Elvis slaves to the national rag the hippest thing on the bandwagon Carrie had a dream about Elvis in her sleep she's sure she saw Elvis he'd lost some weight and was dressed in drag at least that's what I think she said maybe she should tell you herself maybe I should tell you herself slaves to the funereal trends the fattest thing on the bandwagon this is our fixation with Elvis everyone is fixated with Elvis minions of pop culture braindead on the bandwagon maybe I should tell you himself maybe she should tell you himself maybe he should tell you himself...take it Elvis! "Uh huh huh huh yeah" I had a dream in which Elvis spoke to me yes indeed he really spoke to me he stood before me in a gold lame suit and wore one only shiny brown boot he stopped in front of me and said "Hey" I didn't know what to do I didn't know what to say I was mesmerized by eyes of grey I stood there and gaped like a nerd with him near me I couldn't speak a word he glanced at me and said "You must have lingual paralysis" Elvis then blew me a kiss he got in his car honked the horn twice then he was gone I looked left and right I looked everywhere he was gone gone no longer there I never said goodbye or even hello I guess that's how things always go he couldn't hear me I whispered goodbye Elvis goodbye
Song About Elves
I'm beside myself and I'm thinking about elves elves are all around us I think I see one now was it something that I said or was it something that I did to make me special? I think I see one now I'm not the only one who can see them I'm sure I'm just the only one that I know who can was it something that I learned or was it something that I wished and then it came true? I think I see one now and this elf she can see me too and she's smiling maybe I'm something new to her too I'm the closest she's ever been to humankind and she's the closest I've ever been to elvenkind my friends can't see her and her friends can't see me I'm sure they'd say we look cute together if they could just see us together
I Want to Be a Unicorn
I want to be a unicorn children will love me and the scientists will study me and I'll point my horn at you yes I'll point my horn at you it's starting to rain so heavy on me when I become a unicorn children will love me and the scientists will study me
My Candygirl Rocks
My candygirl rocks when she gets into a hummable mood she's got the sweetest disposition and a really kinky attitude my candygirl rocks and I'm finding it hard to believe she's got me in the arm of her sleeve uh huh my candygirl rocks she's a sugared cherry up in the clouds she holds an electric guitar and flings the candy notes all around my candygirl rocks and I'm finding it hard to keep time when she's blowing me bubbles of apple and lime
Hamster Ghost
Would you believe me? I swear that it's true the kitten is frightened my parents are too what came to be the strange truth of it all rolled across the floor empty plastic ball hamster ghost it's the ghost of a hamster hamster the friendly ghost you still don't believe me what more can I do the neighbors are calling Geraldo is too I knew from the start that something was wrong levitating lettuce and the cheese is all gone hamster ghost not the ghost of a gerbil hamster the friendly ghost it's really uncanny dead pets are the best but why he came back I never have guessed he's easy to care for and now he can't bite but lock up the vegetable he comes out tonight
Your Inverted Friend
Baby don't think I'm unkind if you're not the one on my mind maybe I'll see you again but I'm not all that worried when cause in the morning I went out to visit her your inverted friend absolutely she's everything like you if you change everything and I think its outstanding she even talks in reverse and says the things that you would never say but please don't turn yourself blue if I forget about you I really don't mean to be mean if I'm not wishing to make your scene and the next morning I glimpsed my reflection to my suprise my hair had lost quite a bit grey overnight and your friend tells me how you were always close and how you both sort of hated it I'll give you every reason to hate me too two hates make a love that seems to be true baby don't think I'm unkind if out of sight is out of mind maybe I'll see you again but I'm not all that certain when
Jelly Bean Heaven
Don't you try and tell me hey I think you've had enough because you know I live just for that coated candy stuff if I eat one more of them I'm sure I will combust because nothing tangible can quell this sugar lust and when I die check the color of my tongue you'll find green was always my favorite one and when I die you won't see me up above I'll be in candy land my love in jelly bean heaven my love have I ravished all the reds there's no more in this sack no you can't have any of mine well maybe the blacks if I eat one more of them I'm sure I will explode or grow a shiny lacquered shell or turn into Jell-O and when I die you won't see me down below because red hots just aren't my style you know and when I die you won't see me up above I'll be in candy land my love in jelly bean heaven my love
Being a PAL
You bring the candles I'll brind the rope you brind the handcuffs I'll bring the soap I'll show you what being a PAL is all about this is what being a PAL is all about you bring the... dagger, Kool-Aid, voodoo, gestures I'll brind the... cloak, soap, runes, tunes and we'll all meet at the graveyard sight on Sat. after moon and we'll all keep our little secret tight on Sat. after moon don't tell a soul what we're gonna do or I'll have to put a hex on you and we'll all have a little ritual fun on Sat. after moon and we'll dance around and drink a little blood on Sat. after moon
El Paso the Bat
Oh what is that up in the sky that I spy with my little eye? Flying around in the air are we frightened do we care? No we don't it's El Paso the Bat he's big and black like a giant rat with wings he's like a giant rat with wings but he's not a giant rat with wings he's El Paso the Bat he's our friend he's like a good neighbor with us all on special occasions flying around and playing with children he makes us feel slightly bewildered El Paso the Bat with wings and he believes in antidisestablishmentarianism he's our friend El Paso the Bat
Creatures in My Panty
The creatures in my panty stirring in my pantry making their plans stirring in my pantry until the night comes and when I tuck myself away they all come out to play pin the tail and spin the bottle the creatures in my pantry when they get outside they'll dig up the lawn cart me out back and bury my bones and if I try to fall asleep I'm always counting creeps the creatures in my pantry are up to no good
Hopscotch
Since you left for Jupiter I've spent six torturous months playing hopscotch with your dog and the mailman jogs by in the morning he says I could win a million dollars and then I could afford that cosmic pogo stick I'd meet you at the rings but really I have other things to do today like water and pool and finish that screenplay it's about a mixed up bunch on an unchartered desert isle playing hopscotch with your dog and the milkman swims by in the evening he must have to swim a million miles and they all sit around drinking non-alcoholic beverages fun for the entire family but something tells me it's been said before something tells me it's been said before since you left the galaxy I've spent six torturous more scraping chalk across the floor till the eggman comes by this afternoon like he always does I've counted the times and I know I shouldn't do that
The Birds
Mr. Kiwi said to Mr. Shoe "please don't make no polish of me" and promptly did Mr. Shoe of Mr. Kiwi which just goes to show double negatives are for the birds Mr. Turtle said to Mr. Car "please don't smear no turtle on thee" so swiftly did Mr. Car of Mr. he which just goes to show double negatives aren't just for the birds anymore
Me and My Rut
Haven't I seen you before? I'm sure that you come here often because I do and I've seen you before I always buy this paper the headline's always the same and it reads "singer still trapped in his shadow details on page 72" I swear that you've seen me before I'd follow you often at the start o your day I'm standing in a cold front my temperature slowly falls with the weather two day's forecast calls for nothing new doesn't say I was survived by you
Emergency Broadcast
The last time I tried to get out I thought I'd take you too I brought along my laugh track so not to trouble you it really wasn't my idea even if I said that it was I'd like to think we shared it I'd like to think because I'd like to think I could change the channel for you again when I find ourselves just sitting there finding all about who died I'm sure I've got something better to do but I really can't decide so why don't we head outside for awhile I'm tired of watching all this crime must I drag you away from the screen must I drag you all the time? I saw us up in a tower but I cut off most of my hair since someone packing a pistol was waiting for us down there I mean to say that it worries me that we've got nothing to do so I know that it's impossible that I mean that much to you still I'd like to think I could change the channel for you again
The Great Horn Spoon
Birds of a feather stewing together without rhyme or raisins fit as a fiddle hung drawn and griddled in a pretty pickle well you're playing with loaded mice now and you're trying to fix the ice now speaking a blue streak that's red riding the train from Hell to breakfast an orange a day blows the Dr. away squeezes blood from turnips scaring the night lights over the last rites written on the ceiling well for crying out quietly now and I swear to the Great Horn Spoon your salvation's in the can throw in the tongue with towel in cheek
I Merge!
Side by side again can you hear me breathing quiet so I don't talk well neither do you crazy in your head are you brewing plans all I do with mine is wonder about you while I wander about you I always feel so afraid I always twitch in place I always bite my lips and then I merge with you now I am in you and control your muscles I can make you dance and make you scream looks like you didn't think about me at all looks like you didn't see me coming now I'll leave our bodies to waste
The Orange Bossanova
I was feeling down yeah I was feeling low like I must have some deficiency I saw my doctor and he diagnosed me as an acute case of scurvy he said "what you need is some vitamin C may I recommend some oranges? you know the stuff that comes from Florida it's got the nutrients that you need and I hear they're growing on the trees" you can eat them whole or suck them through a straw but you'll never get them to rhyme because they are unique and plenty tasty to at least the inside is but not the rind it's a fruit to help you heal your wounds only Florida oranges make Florida orange juice
Dentist to the Rescue
I picked up an urgent signal on my dental radio it said "hey superhero we really need your help" out circling Saturn is a monster the city will be in trouble when he gets here so I duck into the atmosphere to change into the licensed dentist to the rescue much to everyone's surprise I've got the power to save their lives you see this monster he has a ray gun it'll make things worse and only I can stop him so I'll try and do my best he's got a weakness where dentistry prevails I'll blast him with an x-ray that'll make him chase his tail so I shoot right through the atmosphere today I'm licensed I'm a dentist to the rescue
August the First
I opened my mouth to let something come out I can't say it'd give me away and I told you a lie about my backwards eye didn't I? you swallowed it whole and it seems that I'm so much in love with my things that I cried so hard that I laughed and you know it's a fair mix of grief and relief that you've passed either your weepy face or the coffee and cakes turned me on and gave me the shakes either time travels fast or I move awful slow I don't know I thought I might fold well it seems that I can't seem to remember things that once made us seem to right and you know it's a fair mix of grief and relief that you're out of sight I could cry but why should I cry?